But I don't feel any different, just a bit dismayed by the growing number, the growing age, the growing me.
I spent my birthday mostly in my room, writing in my journal, making up for the last week in which I haven't written. It's become a tradition for my new year's resolutions to be birthday ones. After all, every birthday is a new year for me.
I don't feel seventeen at all. There's so many things typical of the teenage years that I haven't done. I only drank and played beer pong for the first time three days ago and I still get the drugs that rolling and blazing are associated with mixed up. I've never done drugs and though I don't really plan to, it just feels like I'm not living up to my age.
With this new year comes college apps. I'm dreading it. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, which college I want to go to, what I want to learn about the most. I look to my future with doubts and hesitation. I don't want to make the wrong decision.
I want to believe though, that the future doesn't scare me at all.
