I felt completely in love with the world today. The sky was absolutely beautiful . The way water vapor condensed to form the clouds, the way those foggy forms situated themselves amidst the abyss of killer blue space, and the way sunlight refracted and reflected off those mid-state molecules of water and vapor was absolutely beautiful. I thought to myself, wow, the world's wonderful. And I felt so happy to be alive and a part of this beautiful world.
And now I feel nothing. The light outside is gone. The blue sky's turned endlessly black. And stars are hardly visible in the smog-filled industrial area where I live.
I'm at such a loss. I simply don't know. The last week has been one of the most stressful weeks of my life. Questbridge and SAT subject tests for math level 2, physics, and literature. But I've been so glad for friends. It's over now, but I feel somethings still lingering and it's suffocating me. I feel so much internal pressure for some reason. I honestly feel so sick of myself and life.
I keep eating too much. It stops now. I'll only eat at school to keep my stomach from growling in class now. I'll skip lunch afterschool. I'll avoid dinner with the family. I'll keep my retainers permanently in my mouth. I want to be thin.
I'll get my sleep now and wake up to start the day tomorrow with some exercise. I need to stock up on some healthier foods. Even the bread I have at home is fucking fattening. 90 calories per slice. Are you fucking kidding me?
