So for the last two weeks, I've weighed around 96 lbs completely naked. It's pretty bad. BMI of around 19. Gosh, I want to be at least underweight. So I need to lose three pounds to reach that goal. By the end of the month, hopefully?

So here's my plan:

-eat dairy (I found out it makes you excrete like 2x more fat than normal)

-eat protein (keeps you fuller than carbs and fats do)

-drink soup (keeps you fuller than a regular meal with water)

-get in some form of exercise each day, even if its just for five minutes

tomorrow's plan:

breakfast: 1 cup of special k with 1 cup of almond milk (200) and coffee (50)

lunch at school: tuna sandwich (250)

afterschool snack: rest of the banana I didn't finish today, haha (75), and some coffee (50)

dinner: whatever my mum makes, but with controlled portions (300)

=925

But I'm not sure if I might go out to eat with friends afterschool... If I do that, then I'll skip dinner and just drink some coffee or tea when I get home, and finish the banana or have some other type of fruit

I think for the next week my diet will be:

breakfast: cereal with milk and coffee (250) or a bowl of soup, if it's cold (250)

lunch at school: some type of sandwich with meat or maybe peanut butter and banana (250-300)

afterschool: some kind of fruit with coffee or tea (150), or soup if I'm really hungry (250)

dinner: whatever mum makes (300)

=950-1100

I'm just planning to keep my calorie intake at around 1000 cals. I just want to be under 90 lbs by the time I graduate in June. And maintain my weight throughout summer and for college.

By the way, I got into UC Irvine and Berkeley with a regent's scholarship (though I still need to interview for Berkeley). I'm still waiting to hear from my top choices though. Nervous as hell, haha. One to one and a half more months.

Goal: weigh under 90 lbs by the end of the year (my birthday also)

Current weight: fluctuates between 96 and 98 lbs depending on the time of day and what I wear

I don't know if I can lose around 8 lbs in one and a half months, but I sure as hell can try.

It's 4 am right now and I just finished doing part V of Crime and Punishment. I've still got a shitload of shit left to do, but the biggest thing is over at least. I'm also starving right now, which is good.

Things have been so overwhelming lately. I have a lot of homework. I have a B in ap biology and it just goes to show that I must start reading the chapters and taking the class seriously. I have college apps to do. I've been taking research classes that seem to be going nowhere at this point and they take up most of my weekends, at least nine hours of them and usually closer to fifteen.

I have a week off for Thanksgiving next week, but before then, I have to get my college list down and give my counselor everything he needs (stamps, brag sheets, etc.) and give my teacher recommenders everything they need as well (brag sheets, statement of purpose, transcripts, etc.). And during that week, I'll have a project for AP Lit, an essay to write, and the last part of Crime and Punishment to do as well as stuff for all my other classes. I also intend to get some of my private school shit done.

The deadlines are foreboding and my procrastination detrimental.

A boy told me on Thursday that I was at a good weight--not sickly thin as this one girl but still sort of skinny. I wasn't sure whether I should take him seriously as he took this fat but very pretty girl to prom. I wished I was sickly thin though.

I've been drinking my calories more lately and it seems to decrease the amount I eat. I just need to get some diet hot chocolate again. I also love coffee now.

I must fast for two of the days I'm home next week.

I have seven weeks to reach my goal.

I'm sure no one bothers to read this anymore. And that's fine.

I felt completely in love with the world today. The sky was absolutely beautiful . The way water vapor condensed to form the clouds, the way those foggy forms situated themselves amidst the abyss of killer blue space, and the way sunlight refracted and reflected off those mid-state molecules of water and vapor was absolutely beautiful. I thought to myself, wow, the world's wonderful. And I felt so happy to be alive and a part of this beautiful world.

And now I feel nothing. The light outside is gone. The blue sky's turned endlessly black. And stars are hardly visible in the smog-filled industrial area where I live.

I'm at such a loss. I simply don't know. The last week has been one of the most stressful weeks of my life. Questbridge and SAT subject tests for math level 2, physics, and literature. But I've been so glad for friends. It's over now, but I feel somethings still lingering and it's suffocating me. I feel so much internal pressure for some reason. I honestly feel so sick of myself and life.

I keep eating too much. It stops now. I'll only eat at school to keep my stomach from growling in class now. I'll skip lunch afterschool. I'll avoid dinner with the family. I'll keep my retainers permanently in my mouth. I want to be thin.

I'll get my sleep now and wake up to start the day tomorrow with some exercise. I need to stock up on some healthier foods. Even the bread I have at home is fucking fattening. 90 calories per slice. Are you fucking kidding me?

- instant noodles (280), 3 egg whites (60), 2 pieces imitation crabmeat (60), two wontons (100) (500)

- 3 chewy bars (300)

- .5 cup fiber one (60)

- two oranges (150)

- pork fu and seaweed (100)

- 8 mini dumplings (140)

=1250

tomorrow:

- lc meal (300)

- chewy bar (100)

- cereal (60)

- lunch? (300)

-

eh i dont even care.

-soup at hand (80)

- pork fu (70)

- spam musubi (700)

- thai tea with boba (300)

- diet hot coco with soy milk (100)

= 1250

damn shouldn't've had the spam musubi...

I've decided to take a break from writing. My sat scores really disappointed me, even though they were good. I don't know. I just feel like I can't call myself a writer anymore.

yesterdays intake:

- chicken sandwich (150)

- soup (150)

- two chewy bars (200)

- cereal (300)

- dinner: some rice and broccoli and meat (300)

- some pork fu (50)

- diet hot coco with some soymilk (75)

=1225

- tuna sandwich (150)

- chewy bar (100)

- cereal (200)

- half an apple and some apple juice (100)

- half bag of instant noodles, egg whites, imitation crabmeat (350)

- fruit snacks (200)

- dinner: curry house; no idea (700?)

- piece of white chocolate and two bites of low fat vanilla ice cream (100)

= 1900

shit.

no idea for tomorrow. might go to a dumpling house with my grandma in the morning. music festival or a brithday party in the afternoon. club dinner at night. let's just hope i walk a lot.

Today's intake:

- tuna sandwich (150)

- chewy bar (100)

- peach cup (75)

- 3 bites of a burger (75)

- instant noodles with egg whites (300)

- strawberry pocky sticks (200)

- dinner: rice (80), broccoli soup (150), some udon (150), tempura shrimp and chicken (300)

- diet hot chocolate mix blended with soy milk and ice (70)

=1650

weight: 98.4 lbs

Tomorrow's intake:

- tuna sandwich (150)
- chewy bar (100)

- school lunch (400)

- tuna or chicken sandwich (150)

- dinner (400)

= 1200

Goals for tomorrow:
- get ahead on gov/econ homeowrk

- read a chapter of moby dick and do notes

Today's intake:

- terriyaki eel rice (400)

- cereal (100)

- lunch at school: 3 chicken nuggets (275?), juice (50), small banana (75) (400)

- dinner: some pasta (200) and salmon (200) (400)

- chewy bar (100)

- 3 pieces of a hersheys cookie and cream bar (60) and 3 caramel candies (40) (100)

=1500

meh.

I finished my homework early today and took a two hour nap though, so that was nice. I also exercised a bit while reading my textbook and went to target after I ate dinner, so I got in some walking. I got everything done that I wanted to, but I still wasted a lot of time and ended up using the computer more than I'd like to... ):

Tomorrow's intake:

breakfast: sandwich with tuna (150)

school: chewy bar (100) and school lunch (400)

after school: sandwich (150)

dinner: whatever mum makes (400)

= 1200

Tomorrow's time table:

05:45 wake up

07:00 school

01:30 nap

03:00 summer school homework

06:00 chapter 2 moby dick

07:00 dinner

"if you have time, don't wait for time"

- Benjamin Franklin

Today's intake:

- soup (100)

-cereal and fruit (200)

- chewy bar (100)

- half a baguette (200)

- eggroll (100)
-fruit snacks (100)

-ramen (500)

- iced milk drink with pudding and boba (500)

=1800 ish

ahh I fucked up as the day continued..

Tomorrow's intake:

-leftover eel rice (400)

-cereal (100)

-fruit (100)

-maybe school lunch (300)

-broccoli (100)

-dinner (400)

=1100-1400

Tomorrow's time table:

05:45 - wake up

07:00- school

01:30 - nap

03:00 - gov/econ homework

06:00 - first chapter of moby dick and cornell notes

07:00 - dinner

08:00 - computer

09:00 - computer off; prepare for bed

I feel so goddamn idle all the time. And I'm so fucking tired because I procrastinated on my homework and kept using the computer and went out to eat with my brothers and now I'm sleepy and tired and I have a headache. I don't know why I can't just focus on my schoolwork and stop wasting so much time.

Tomorrow, I'll restrict my computer and internet usage. I'll sign off tumblr and facebook now. I must stop this. I feel so shitty lately.

I used to say I wanted to do something with my life, but how can I when there's nothing I want to do?

That was what I wrote in a letter to myself for english class at the start of the school year. I forgot everything I had written and was freaked out by how true everything still rings. It was such a sad letter too.

I've gained weight again. I'm currently 100.0 lbs and it disgusts me. I want to lose weight and it freaks me out how that's one of the only things I really want to do.

Summer vacation started for me last Thursday and I started summer school today. I really want to lose weight this summer and get my weight down to under 90 lbs. I can do it, if only I stop being so idle with my time.

And so I've decided to blog everyday this summer. I'll post my intake, no matter how shameful, my weight, and perhaps a picture or quote I like.

So today's intake:

- bowl of leftover fried rice for breakfast (400)

- chewy bar (100)

- fruit cup from school lunch (100?)

- half a serving of pad see ew (400)

- about a cup of thai tea (200)

- dinner: some rice (100), 5 chicken wings (350), some veggie soup (50)

- some fruit snacks and 2 sugar free caramel candies (100)

=1750

Intended intake for tomorrow:

-breakfast: vegetable and pasta soup (120)

-school: chewy bar (100), fruit (100), and maybe lunch if its good (300?), and bring tea

-after school: broccoli (100)

-dinner: whatever mum makes (400)

=820-1120

I'm currently around 97/98 lbs at night. Which is still bad. Fuck, 7 months ago, I was five lbs lighter..

But I can lose the weight. I can.

So I went to prom last week. The boy asked me super late and with strawberries and a note to meet him in the quad at lunch. I wish I had said yes differently. I feel too easy.

Prom was a nice but partly very awkward affair for me. I can't dance. But I tried to, cause the boy is in love with music (as am I) and enjoys dancing, but it was mostly a fail and also super awkward. He was very nice about it though, which made me feel bad.

He sort of had his arm around me a lot during the night, but in a nice, slightly romantic sort of way. He's very warm.

I don't want to get into a lot of detail, because I already wrote about it in my notebook and I hate getting too personal and girly and mushy on stuff like this.

But afterwards, we barely talked. He didn't im or text or facebook me or anything. But I sent him a song on sunday night before we went back to school, and we talked for a while, and he asked me to call him to wake him up the next morning. But he didn't pick up, but he had said not to worry about calling again if that happened. And in school, we didn't really talk at all. We have one class together, journalism. And he spent it talking to his other friends. But he came up to me in the middle of class, offering me my prom ticket, in case I had wanted to keep it. And so I did.

The next day was almost as uneventful. However, this other guy in journalism teased me endlessly about my attempts at dancing at prom. And another one of his friends trolled him by asking me how prom was and how he was as a date. I stayed in during lunch, as did he, partly. And he offered to pay me back for the prom pictures, but I refused.

Wednesday. He and his friend went to the pod to make popcorn or some shit and never came out, so the teacher thought they left and had me go look for them. I went even though I knew where they were just because I wanted to get out of class. He came looking for me a while after. And we sort of talked a bit again. When we got back to class, his friend was in the seat behind mine, so he stayed close to me, but I put my head down and ignored him. He then gave me a cd, saying I should listen to it. We both stayed in during lunch again and his friend trolled me. And he got all embarrassed about this manga he reads cause it has close to 1000 chapters and he didn't want me to know. And when I got home, I realized he had the wrong cd in the cd case, so we talked a bit about music and I downloaded the album he really wanted me to hear.

Thursday. Today. It was better. I entered class listening to my ipod, and he came up to me and started telling me a funny story as I was putting my ipod away. And then I got called out of class for an awards ceremony. (I got a science award for physics.) And we both stayed in for lunch for a few minutes, but he left before me. And he gave me a hug this time, which surprised me. Only, I was in my seat, and he had his backpack on, so it was entirely awkward, and I accidentally grabbed his ass. But he took his backpack off and rehugged me and his friend trolled him.

And so I'm confused about him.

Anyways, I want to lose weight still. Boys are always a good distraction.

I feel so out of it. I've gained a few lbs. I'm back to 99 lbs at night. Fuck. I need to start losing weight again. The thing is, it's easy when I don't think about it.

At the beginning of the year, I was around 99lbs too, because I had gained like 4 lbs during winter break, but I lost it all, got done to about 93 lbs again within about the first there or maybe four week of January. During the second half of that time period, it was easy because this boy and I started texting and it kept my mind off food. And I know it's completely pathetic to say, but I gained again after he stopped texting me.

So now I'm 99 lbs again and it kind of sucks. The boy and I talk on and off but I need to get over him. Not that there was much of anything to get over in the first place, but still.

So I'm in need of a plan and some motivation.

I currently have the number 87 written on my palm. It reminds me of my goal (more or less) which is helpful because I realize that I sometimes eat without realizing it or without keeping my goal in mind.

I'm not so sure how good I can be tomorrow because my brother is home from college and will probably want to go out to eat. I also have no school tomorrow.

But if he doesn't, here's the plan:

b. 10AM slice of toast with peanut butter (I have the one that's half the cals of regular pb) and bananas (150)

l. 1PM half a bag of udon with egg whites and broccoli (250)

s. 4PM slice of toast with peanut butter and banana (150)

d. 7PM whatever my parents make (400)

meh.

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm seventeen now. Fuck.

But I don't feel any different, just a bit dismayed by the growing number, the growing age, the growing me.

I spent my birthday mostly in my room, writing in my journal, making up for the last week in which I haven't written. It's become a tradition for my new year's resolutions to be birthday ones. After all, every birthday is a new year for me.

I don't feel seventeen at all. There's so many things typical of the teenage years that I haven't done. I only drank and played beer pong for the first time three days ago and I still get the drugs that rolling and blazing are associated with mixed up. I've never done drugs and though I don't really plan to, it just feels like I'm not living up to my age.

With this new year comes college apps. I'm dreading it. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, which college I want to go to, what I want to learn about the most. I look to my future with doubts and hesitation. I don't want to make the wrong decision.

I want to believe though, that the future doesn't scare me at all.

I have a fucking B in physics and ap us history. Not good.

I'm sure I can raise my physics grades, since the teacher forgot to count the curve. Plus, I pwned the second test he hasn't graded yet.

But Apush. I don't know ): I dind't turn in a project online, and that got my grade down 50%, and apparently that's like a 9% drop in my total grade. But other projects shouldve balanced it out. But I'm not sure if she's graded them yet. I need to talk to her tomorrow. Been fucking acing my tests. What the fuck is this?

Sorry, I'm usually not that much of a cusser, but I'm so sad ): I haven't gotten a B since sixth grade.

I've decided that I'm not going to worry about my weight and dieting for the next week, and just focus on my studies and finals. I have physics, calc and english finals next week. then winter break. then the rest of my finals.

I need to be more antisocial and nerdy, I swear.

Tomorrow I have the club mtg and social event. Hopefully I can go shoppping for christmas presents after. If not then sat. Gosh so much ):

Christmas stuff is gonna take a while too ):

this weekend I'll have:

-two chs of notes

-physics practice problems

-calc hw

I don't even want to think. Back to notes.

I just feel like making a major list. So here goes:

Tomorrow:

- fettuccine smart choice meal (250) with green tea and maybe coffee

- sandwich with 4 turkey slices (170)

- broccoli or an apple after school (80)

- whatever's for dinner (500)

reminders:

- retainers in!

- dancing's fun

- be productive

- water!

schedule:

6 wake

8-3 school

chem at lunch

3-4 physics tutoring

4-5 home; snack; nap?

5-6 club mtg

6 shower

7 dinner

7:30 math homework, and whatever else

*no computer until all homework not needing the comp is done

then practice some physics problems

I'm staying up today to get some shit done. I need to study for chem. Or maybe I'll skip it and rely on lunchtime. I need to reread some journalism articles (as fucking editor-in-chief, you know). And get some history notes done, because I'm tired of feeling ashamed of myself and screwed when I copy my brother's old notes.

I'll stay up till one by force. And after that, it's up to my mood. I wish I had more time to read, but meh.

Life's gonna be busy ):

- english, calc, and physics finals next week

- club mtg tomorrow

- tutoring at the elem school on thursday

- club mtg on friday, and social event after

- shopping for presents on saturday and putting them together or maybe Friday, if possible

- shitload of homework and studying on sunday

- two chapters of notes this weekend

- physics tutoring everyday after school

But at least, there shouldn't be any more major writing assignments. They're the worst for me. They make me want to eat. So thank god for in class essays.

I feel like I'm forgetting some important things ):

What are you supposed to get a guy that's under five dollars, whose favorite color is blue, doesn't want school stuff, and might like sweets (though I'm already planning to bake him cookies)? (This is for secret santa at school, and he's a really nice guy)

My life's been going pretty good, I guess. Weight's still the same. Even though I've allowed myself to eat a bit more lately, I haven't really gained. Been too stressed with school I guess

There's several new guys. I've been talking to one of them on facebook for a month now. We met on Halloween. He's a friend of a friend of a friend. I was dressed up as a slutty ladybug (completely out of character for me, but I wanted to dress up and didn't have a costume so i borrowed a friend's) and he blatantly checked me out. But our convos are boring, and I'm not really interested. Even if he is apparently super rich. We just don't click. I enjoy the convos sometimes but meh. I thin

Second guy was from this social thing my club had with this guy club. He started talking to me. And he sat with me when we watched the movies. And somehow he ended up super close, that our arms were touching, and apparently he was leaning on me, but I didn't really notice. My friends kept teasing me after. Sent me texts telling me to "get some" but I do n't know about him. He's a cool guy, maybe he'd be a good friend. Apparently he doesn't usually approach girls. And he's thinks I'm really shy. meh.

All I want to do is talk to that guy from the last club social, who I talked to about books and held hands with for that game. But we've had no contact since.

And I keep wanting to see this cute guy in my chemistry class more, but i don't know ):

Oh, and there was another guy in between. At this other club social. He added me on facebook beforehand because we had breifly met after this meeting and I didn't talk much at all. He swore he'd talk to me, and he did. And he was scared he was too creepy on facebook, haha. It was the day before harry potter 7 came out, and he quickly realized that harry potter was the best way to get me to talk. And he was sort of flirting, I think, saying that I should ditch my friend and go watch part one with him, haha. We talked a bit on facebook, but that stopped to. Never really serious anyways.

Gosh, I'm becoming such a slut.

yeah, I just don't want to do homework...

reminder

I just feel like I have to remind myself of some things.

1. I'm doing this for myself.

2. Weightloss doesn't have to be miserable. It can be like a fun math problem that I carry out like a scientific experiment.

3. I'm pretty sure I still have miso soup.

4. I have a fucking exercise bike in my room. Use it.

5. Thin legs look nice.

6. Skinny nerds are cool.

7. Sitting up straight increases my metabolic rate by like 10 or 15 % I believe?

8. Retainers. Straight teeth retain me from retaining weight.

9. I can take things slowly.

10. Sandwiches are good when they're only about 125 cal each.

11. Hipsters like to dance.

12. Harry Potter comes out this Friday. I should look good for Ron. Okay, more like Draco so that I can slytherin his bed.

13. Co-editors need to go up in front of the room to write stuff on the board. They should have a nice ass and thin legs to show off.

14. Broccoli is good.

15. Remind mum to buy more gummy vitamins.

16. Focus on dieting on the weekdays. Have fun on Fridays when I'm out for club meetings and on the weekends when my big brother comes home from college an we go out to eat.

17. I'm turning 17 at the end of this year.

*And just an update: I talked to the editor about my job today and asked if I could be co-editor instead. I had told my brother about all the journalism stuff earlier and he made me completely regret my decision. Stuff about how "editor-in-chief" looks super awesome on college resumes and having it for two years is even better. And how I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life, especially if I didn't get into a college, and what if I had "editor-in-chief" on my application? And how I shouldn't underestimate myself or be scared of the work or be too nice or spare the editor's feelings, but instead take my own initiatives. The editor was all nice about it, but I still feel like a bitch. A liberated bitch, but a bitch nonetheless.

ps. Any ideas for topics to write about in the January issue? Perspectives and editorials, in particular?

4 days

Starting tomorrow, I've got a 4 day weekend. Let's see if I can lose 4 lbs in 4 days.

Current weight (at night): 96.2 lbs

I'm hoping that by Sunday or Monday, I'll be 92 in the mornings again.

delightful day

I just had one of the most amazing days ever.

I had meant to make the post a lot shorter, but well, I'm feeling rather excited and gregarious and talkative.

In short:

• promoted to editorial assistant in journalism/the school newspaper staff!
• had a good lunch period doing chemistry with a cute boy
• found out I got the highest grade on the last ap chem test
• got sushi after school
• hung out with my little sister in the club
• finally got an ad for the newspaper (part of our grade and I spent an hour trying to find one yesterday)
• had a social thing with another club, where I actually talked and wasn't reclusive
• met a guy who I sort of like now. We had a conversation about books. That makes him pretty cool in my book. And he makes me feel kind of liked, because he kept talking to me, and only me, out of the 8 or so other girls that were there.
• watched jeopardy

In detail (topics are bolded for your convenience):

The sky was a beautifully clear blue this morning.

In journalism, the advisor finally talked to the editor-in-chief about making me co-editor. (Last month, I got stuck with the most crappiest of staff jobs that involves pretty much putting together our mail.) The advisor had told me about the prospect last week to ask if I was okay with it. (Of course I was.) She also told me then that I was the only one on staff she felt understood all 4 types of articles that we write on the newspaper and that I had actually been her first choice for editor-in-chief. Although I was a bit mad that I didn't get it and more mad at myself for not putting it on my lists of jobs I wanted, the knowledge of knowing that I was first choice eclipses it. However, the advisor then presented two options: 1) I become co-editor-in-chief, splitting the responsibilities with the editor and 2) I become the editorial assistant, basically just assisting the editor. She said it was up to me, as the editor was so "open minded." But of course, that just puts me in a most awkward situation. It was also obvious the editor didn't really want to share the job and title. Eventually, I told her (the editor) that I thought she should pick what my job was because it was originally her job and I didn't want to feel like I was intruding on it. She quickly chose for me to be the assistant, claiming that it was be best since she could get a view on all the articles and ask for my help as needed. Although I had wanted to be co-editor more, it really doesn't even matter. It's just a title and I still have next year to be editor-in-chief. I get the feeling she's going to give me all the crappy and extensive jobs that involve the reorganization of an article...

Lunch was also fun for me. I spent it in the physics room doing chemistry since the chem teacher had a meeting. I talked to these two guys more, and it was nice. I happen to think one of them is rather cute. Although his appearance is cute, his personality is really cuter. Plus, he's pretty smart in the sciences. I love nerds.

And guess who got the highest grade on the last test in AP Chemistry? Not to brag, but, well, that's me. Although it's a rather crappy high score (an 88%), just me having the highest score feels amazing. I was actually pretty nervous as she called each person up individually to tell us our grades (since she hasn't set the curve yet). Not relevant, but the teacher had initially called out one boy for having scored the highest grade, only to retract it when his name came up. I thought that was pretty sucky for him. She also announced that she found the high scorer when she got to mine, which makes me feel rather uncomfortable.

After school, I got sushi with some friends at a sushi truck. Then went with my club sister to get a newspaper ad contract signed. It was nice just to hang out with some friends. I've been too loner like the past two years. Not that it was the first time in two years that I went out, but, well, you know.

We also had a sort of club social with another (boy) club today. It was fun. At the introduction circle, some guy gave me half of his piece of gum. And I sparked some conversation when it got to my introduction and I announced that "I like boys who like Harry Potter" (we had to state what we liked about the opposite sex).

We then made cracker sandwiches with nutella and played some games. One of them involved holding hands in a line, and well, the guys on both sides of me whose hands I held were pretty cool. They actually remembered my name, which is rare for such events, since they're only announced at the intro circles. Anyways, we talked about Harry Potter for a bit. Another guy gave me a high five for being a "Harry Potter lover" haha(:

Another game was ninja, which is basically standing around in a circle with your arms in a ninja pose and trying to hit someone's hand to get them out. Three guys ganged up on me, but since the circle was pretty big and it took a while for it to get to our turn, we talked quite a bit.

And I kept talking to one of the guys after we both got out. We started talking about books. And it was awkward, but nice. And gosh, I kind of like him. We were together for all but one game (out of four). And it was just nice. We would look at each other, and he would start talking to me, and it would feel like he wanted to talk to me. And we would both move towards each other when another game started so that we could hang out and talk. And it was just pretty natural.

During the game, when the three guys ganged up on me, I started talking to another one of the guys about Harry Potter, and he interrupted our conversation and I started talking to him and forgot about the other guy (not in an abrupt and mean way though). And I don't know, it's sort of nice because it shows that he wants to talk to me. And I guess I should clarify that he didn't rudely interrupt the conversation. He just sort of made a comment that took away my attention.

And gosh, now I'm just gushing, but there was also a moment where he asked raise your hand if your head's cold, and I raised my hand cause I thought he meant hands, not head, and my hands were cold, and he put this hat on me. And it was a cute moment. He put it on badly at first, and I told him he sucked at putting on hats, so he tried again, and even went behind me to get it on right. It only messed up my hair and caused his friends to laugh though. I took it off and tried to put it on him, but since I'm pretty short, I pretty much failed. Still, cute ass moment. Did I mention that he was one of the guys who's hands I held in that game? Well, he was (: But in truth, it was rather weird at first cause we were pretty much strangers. And it was right after the intro circle and nutella sandwiches so we hadn't talked much yet. We only talked after the sandwiches when we got put into groups for the game, and I sat on the rail next to him, and we looked at each other for a moment. (I try not to look away when I meet eyes with people now.) I forgot how exactly it went, but we introduced ourselves to each other again, and said the "nice to meet you"'s. I then asked for his name again when we held hands for the game, cause I wasn't really listening the first time, and yeah. I really don't know why I feel like telling you all of this, but I do.

Also, even though there were like 8 other girls there, he really only talked to me. In all the games, we were next to each other. And after the ninja game, when we were talking about books, some of the girls even started talking to him and taking pictures with him, but he would just kind of politely, but quickly get away and return to talking to me. He said "Sorry about your friends..." afterwards, haha. And when they were taking pictures in front of me, after, because my friends are camera whores and asked him for a picture, he was looking at me during it. And I was the only one he said a formal bye to. Ahhh, (:

Anyways, he seems kind of shy, too, which I really like. However, at the same time, it makes the prospects of us talking again pretty limited. He hasn't even added me on facebook ): But when he left, he said that he hopes we meet again so that we can finish our conversation about books (Tuesdays with Morrie and J.D. Salinger). I hope we have another thing with his club. I want to see him again.

And there was another pretty cool guy there, but our convos were fewer. He did remember my name and that I liked Harry Potter though.

So yeah, I'm just feeling pretty happy today(: My day kind of fell after I got home though, because I overthought some things and analyzed my good day when I wasn't supposed to and because that guy never added me on facebook (not that he said he would, but it's like custom these days, haha). But yeah, still a wonderful day. Now, I must do my math homework and article revisions because I procrastinated too much earlier. It's all good though. I don't have school this Thursday and Friday, so tonight's going to be the last night I lack serious sleep for the rest of the week!