School is hard. It wasn't supposed to be this way.
I found out my history teacher likes to screw people over; she screwed up the grading scale last year so that only 5/60+ students got A's.
AP calc AB is hard. I don't know why, but I'm having trouble with it. I'm usually really good at math. In fact, part of the reason I like dieting is because I treat it like a math problem, with calorie calculations and unit conversions and all. But, I don't know, it's hard. I absolutely hate graphing. Not that a lot of it is involved, but one section is about it and I hate it. And I can't stand the way my teacher teaches. Nothing personal against him, but I can't stand it. I'm just not used to it.
Damn, I feel like I've lost my ability to be open minded and adaptable and malleable in the sense of my ability to understand things.
Physics is hard, but I actually like it.
AP chem's probably my easiest class. Journalism, though often stressful, is wonderful. English, my teacher is just so amazing that it makes me want to put a lot of effort into everything.
I don't feel like talking about weight or dieting; it's about the same.
I'm fucking tired as hell. I need to sleep. I'm going to start sleeping early even if I don't have homework done. I'm just going to wake up early to do it, so that I can maybe reverse my bad sleeping habits.
Tomorrow's going to be a fucking busy ass day. And I'm a lazy ass, so that often just screws me over.
-going to school early to get help on calc because there's a test tomorrow
-watching student performances at lunch
-club meeting after school
-fundraiser after meeting
-home at around 6 if I'm lucky
-group english project to do
-35 pages of a book to read, which is going to take me like 1.5 hours because I'm a slow reader and the words are really small, probably size 10 font.
I really do want to sleep early.
I really shouldn't've been so lazy this whole school year. I've been slacking off on math homework cause it gives me a headache. Haven't been reading physics, because the notes are due on the whole chapter with one day's notice. Been copying most of my history homework; notes, worksheets, studyguides, but I still manage to get A's on my tests. Just forgot to turn in that one project to the website which cost me 50% off my grade... thank god projects are only worth 10%. And screw the teacher for not telling us our grades.
This weekend:
-read three chapters of history; test monday
-read the english book we're on, because I'm probably just going to sparknotes it tomorrow.
-work on physics
I really hope the calc test gets postponed.
sorry this is completely boring and long. I don't expect you to read it.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
He's really cute?
School has been killing me.
I'm maintaining around 93-95 lbs throughout the day.
I don't know what to say. If you'd like a pointlessly detailed description of my life at the moment, then read on, I suppose I should tell you. But I don't feel like it.
I've been avoiding blogger because I just have too much homework and it's so easy to procrastinate by reading blogs. Physics is hard, but I kind of love it. I feel like it destroys my mind and that that's something I need. I've had things come rather easily for me and then I somehow developed this horrible and calculative and systematic mind that just isn't going to get me anywhere good in life. Physics will open my mind.
I had gained up to about 97 lbs at night last month, but I dropped down to 92 in a week on eating about 1000-1500 cal. It was surprisingly easy, but I don't have the motivation to do so lately.
I got a sucky job in journalism/the school newspaper. It made me rather sad and I kind of overreacted and cried when I got home. Not so much because of just the job but it made me think all these sad things. The day turned out pretty good though. I emailed my article to the features editor, who didn't even start editing it until midnight. But we ended up talking, and it was really nice.
Okay, now this is the part where I'm going to gush over him and then refuse to admit it because it makes me so embarrassed.
I've sort of known of him since middle school; he's pretty popular because he's just really cute and a good speaker. He was in my honors Pre-Calculus class last year, and he's actually really smart too. I remember thinking last year, that I don't like him because he's too perfect. I'm rather jealous of him for that, and it's off-putting. He's in a fucking band. And has amazing skin. And he's way too perfect because he's really nice too. And smart.
And here it goes: he called me cute.
Gosh, I still just want to jump around my room every time I think of that.
But alas, it seems as though it's not meant to be.
Our conversation was kind of a one-time thing. Mostly because I'm too shy of a person. Well, more like socially awkward.
It's been like two weeks, but I still just want to keep replaying our conversation. I have some of it saved, but most of it was on google docs and facebook, and those can't be saved ):
Anyways, because I'm apparently a giddy schoolgirl, the conversation went something like this:
we talked on facebook, but I was all sort of formal, just asking if he edited my article yet and then telling him to take his time cause I would be up late writing my other article. This was on his wall. And then he started a chat on facebook, which was completely new to me because I'm, well, not hip, I guess. I don't really remember what that was about. Just asking for my email again so he could edit it on google docs, I think.
So on gmail, he does that whole google document sharing thing, which was also new to me. It's really cool though. You can edit a document, and the other person can see the edits as it happens, and on the side there's a chatbox. So he's like let's chat while he edits. And so we kind of do.
I tell him that I'm new to the whole google docs thing. And it's awkward stuff at first, like what's up? facebook and homework, you? yeah, that kind of thing.
And then he asks me if I'm in this club (it's a social club), which I am. So I reply, yes, but I'm really not social.
and then he's like LOL and that's when we really start talking.
damn, I really wish the convo was saved. My memory only stretches so far.
fuck fuck fuck. i spent an hour writing about him and our convo, and it didn't get saved ): ahhh! ):
maybe this is a good thing?
summary: he asked what grade I was in (he's a senior). When I told him junior, he said "woohoo" because he thinks i'm cute and would feel weird about that if I was younger. And then we talked about our ages, we're both turning 17 this year. well, his birthday just passed last week. and he said that he's really young for his grade and I said I'm really old for mine. and he said that we're a perfect match.
I then suggested that he edit my other article, but he said it depends. and when I asked what it depended on, he said he'd edit it if I interacted with him. (earlier he had asked what I meant by not being social, and I said that i was just bad at interacting with people, but he said I was doing a good job with him.) I said that would be too weird and nevermind, because the teacher shouldn't expect much out of my first draft. and he's like just WOW.
We then started talking on the gmail chat thing. it was more casual though, and was actually saved so here it is:
him: talk hereee
me: sure
him: mhm
me: dude, you made me talk on the facebook chat thing and google docs and this for the first time all in one day
him: LOL
uhh
yay me?
me: lol no
not cool
him: haha why!!
me: no reason
him: -_-
me: (:
him: gahhh
you're really cute -_-
me: thanks i guess
him: bleh.
me: meh
him: blehhhhh
<3
me: eh
him: wooooow
me: what?
him: nothinnn
hey ill talk to you tomorrow
im going to sleep
goodnight
:-*
hehehhe
;)
me: alright
goodnight (:
him: talk to me tomorrow?
yeah?
ok
cool
hehe
me: that's weird ):
I hate how flirty he is ):
and the next day in school was rather awkward. he did try though. he sat at the seat next to me and got told off by the guy who really sat there for playing with his binder. It was weird, because he was just reading another school's newspaper and making comments that I didn't know how to reply to. And I don't know if he did it on purpose, but I'm pretty sure he did, but he was all physically close. Like when he would pass me on his way to his desk and stuff. It's weird ):
I also ended up not being able to sleep because I kept thinking about him. and I kept procrastinating that weekend because i was on facebook hoping he'd talk to me. Gosh, that's bad.
My crush on him has died down though, thank God.
I don't know though. What do you guys think?
So onto other things, I really love journalism, despite the crappy job I got stuck with. The people are all so amazing. I've started talking to a few of them sort of. Well, I guess since it's a pretty small class, we're on a say-hi-when-you-see-each-other kind of basis. It's nice. They're nice.
Guess that's all I really feel like saying right now.
I'm still mad because I had spent about an houring gushing about that guy and recounting the conversation, but I had logged into my other email account, and then when I went to preview the post, it didn't get saved. ):
ahhhh, I'm still thinking about how cute he is.
I'm maintaining around 93-95 lbs throughout the day.
I don't know what to say. If you'd like a pointlessly detailed description of my life at the moment, then read on, I suppose I should tell you. But I don't feel like it.
I've been avoiding blogger because I just have too much homework and it's so easy to procrastinate by reading blogs. Physics is hard, but I kind of love it. I feel like it destroys my mind and that that's something I need. I've had things come rather easily for me and then I somehow developed this horrible and calculative and systematic mind that just isn't going to get me anywhere good in life. Physics will open my mind.
I had gained up to about 97 lbs at night last month, but I dropped down to 92 in a week on eating about 1000-1500 cal. It was surprisingly easy, but I don't have the motivation to do so lately.
I got a sucky job in journalism/the school newspaper. It made me rather sad and I kind of overreacted and cried when I got home. Not so much because of just the job but it made me think all these sad things. The day turned out pretty good though. I emailed my article to the features editor, who didn't even start editing it until midnight. But we ended up talking, and it was really nice.
Okay, now this is the part where I'm going to gush over him and then refuse to admit it because it makes me so embarrassed.
I've sort of known of him since middle school; he's pretty popular because he's just really cute and a good speaker. He was in my honors Pre-Calculus class last year, and he's actually really smart too. I remember thinking last year, that I don't like him because he's too perfect. I'm rather jealous of him for that, and it's off-putting. He's in a fucking band. And has amazing skin. And he's way too perfect because he's really nice too. And smart.
And here it goes: he called me cute.
Gosh, I still just want to jump around my room every time I think of that.
But alas, it seems as though it's not meant to be.
Our conversation was kind of a one-time thing. Mostly because I'm too shy of a person. Well, more like socially awkward.
It's been like two weeks, but I still just want to keep replaying our conversation. I have some of it saved, but most of it was on google docs and facebook, and those can't be saved ):
Anyways, because I'm apparently a giddy schoolgirl, the conversation went something like this:
we talked on facebook, but I was all sort of formal, just asking if he edited my article yet and then telling him to take his time cause I would be up late writing my other article. This was on his wall. And then he started a chat on facebook, which was completely new to me because I'm, well, not hip, I guess. I don't really remember what that was about. Just asking for my email again so he could edit it on google docs, I think.
So on gmail, he does that whole google document sharing thing, which was also new to me. It's really cool though. You can edit a document, and the other person can see the edits as it happens, and on the side there's a chatbox. So he's like let's chat while he edits. And so we kind of do.
I tell him that I'm new to the whole google docs thing. And it's awkward stuff at first, like what's up? facebook and homework, you? yeah, that kind of thing.
And then he asks me if I'm in this club (it's a social club), which I am. So I reply, yes, but I'm really not social.
and then he's like LOL and that's when we really start talking.
damn, I really wish the convo was saved. My memory only stretches so far.
fuck fuck fuck. i spent an hour writing about him and our convo, and it didn't get saved ): ahhh! ):
maybe this is a good thing?
summary: he asked what grade I was in (he's a senior). When I told him junior, he said "woohoo" because he thinks i'm cute and would feel weird about that if I was younger. And then we talked about our ages, we're both turning 17 this year. well, his birthday just passed last week. and he said that he's really young for his grade and I said I'm really old for mine. and he said that we're a perfect match.
I then suggested that he edit my other article, but he said it depends. and when I asked what it depended on, he said he'd edit it if I interacted with him. (earlier he had asked what I meant by not being social, and I said that i was just bad at interacting with people, but he said I was doing a good job with him.) I said that would be too weird and nevermind, because the teacher shouldn't expect much out of my first draft. and he's like just WOW.
We then started talking on the gmail chat thing. it was more casual though, and was actually saved so here it is:
him: talk hereee
me: sure
him: mhm
me: dude, you made me talk on the facebook chat thing and google docs and this for the first time all in one day
him: LOL
uhh
yay me?
me: lol no
not cool
him: haha why!!
me: no reason
him: -_-
me: (:
him: gahhh
you're really cute -_-
me: thanks i guess
him: bleh.
me: meh
him: blehhhhh
<3
me: eh
him: wooooow
me: what?
him: nothinnn
hey ill talk to you tomorrow
im going to sleep
goodnight
:-*
hehehhe
;)
me: alright
goodnight (:
him: talk to me tomorrow?
yeah?
ok
cool
hehe
me: that's weird ):
I hate how flirty he is ):
and the next day in school was rather awkward. he did try though. he sat at the seat next to me and got told off by the guy who really sat there for playing with his binder. It was weird, because he was just reading another school's newspaper and making comments that I didn't know how to reply to. And I don't know if he did it on purpose, but I'm pretty sure he did, but he was all physically close. Like when he would pass me on his way to his desk and stuff. It's weird ):
I also ended up not being able to sleep because I kept thinking about him. and I kept procrastinating that weekend because i was on facebook hoping he'd talk to me. Gosh, that's bad.
My crush on him has died down though, thank God.
I don't know though. What do you guys think?
So onto other things, I really love journalism, despite the crappy job I got stuck with. The people are all so amazing. I've started talking to a few of them sort of. Well, I guess since it's a pretty small class, we're on a say-hi-when-you-see-each-other kind of basis. It's nice. They're nice.
Guess that's all I really feel like saying right now.
I'm still mad because I had spent about an houring gushing about that guy and recounting the conversation, but I had logged into my other email account, and then when I went to preview the post, it didn't get saved. ):
ahhhh, I'm still thinking about how cute he is.
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