loner

School starts tomorrow!

It doesn't feel like it at all though. I'm not really nervous. I don't think much about it. It's just, I'm a bit scared of what I'll do at lunch. I don't really have any friends I'm close enough and comfortable around to hang out with at lunch; they all have their own groups of friends. Our school doesn't exactly have a cafeteria, but we have an eating area next to the quad and we can practically roam around anywhere on campus (it's small). Besides, I don't really eat school lunch. I would go to the library, but the library is closed for the first few days of school. I'm not close to any teachers to go to their class rooms. I would go to the bleachers and just sit alone, but sometimes the guards around school make students get off it. Ahh, I just don't want to be miserable at lunch tomorrow. It's not that I mind being alone, it's just that I mind being alone in front of people. It makes me feel all self-conscious and pitiable and I hate that feeling. I really don't want to just go walking around the school grounds. Sure, I'd get some exercise, but a girl told me once that she saw me doing that and kind of felt sorry for me. It made me feel embarrassed and horrible. I really don't know what I'm going to do. I know I can sort of just force my presence on my friends/acquaintances, but that's not something I would do. My cousin is also starting school with me, but she has her own friends and I don't want to hold her down. I had actually planned to be a sort of safe haven for her. She often gets into drama with her friends, and I always hang out in the library doing my homework, so I thought it would be nice if she could always just come to me there if anything bad happened. We're pretty close.

Anyways, I still have not finished my summer homework! lol. But it's cool. I realized most everything is due on the second day of school. I've only got to do notecards for about 100 more studyguide questions, answer lab questions for chemistry, and put a project together (I've got all the work done). It's really not that bad.

I didn't have a meal plan for myself today. I was so tired yesterday that I forgot and just wrote down a schedule. But I think I made pretty good decisions for myself today. It was a nice change, and I didn't feel the need to weigh myself in the mornings like I normally do.

I am absolutely obsessed with the drama Why Why Love. I watch it with english subtitles, but I still find it incredibly cute.