antisocial nerd

I haven't been caring much about my weight this past week. After coming back from Canada, I don't know. Everything just seemed to crash down on me. Not exactly in a bad way, I suppose, it was just a lot for me.

First of all, summer homework. I am a nerd. Did you know that? I'm taking 4 AP (Advanced Placement) and 2 honors classes next year (my junior year). I've got summer homework for 4 classes. I've finished the tedious and time consuming notes and stuff, but I still have a lot to do. I still have to write 20 articles for a history project, read a 500 page book and write an essay on it, complete a chemistry lab (mostly graphing stuff), write a history essay, answer 200 history questions (some of whom the answers aren't even in my book. In addition to that, I haven't even started on the homework for one of the classes (a language one), because I've decided to wait until I get my schedule to be sure that all the classes fit, because if not, its the first one I'm dropping. So that's maybe an addition 10 paragraphs, a packet of over 30 pages (two sided, so more like 60 pages), and some textbook work.


I'm also in a club that involves so much devotion and time commitment, on my part. I'm vice president. I don't even know why I'm in the club. But I really can't find the heart to quit now that I'm in it. Anyways, it's taken up my last friday, saturday, and sunday. I also got sick from being out so much, but I've just recovered today. There are times when it's really just not worth it, but I don't know, ultimately, it is. It's helped me grow. It's somewhat of a social and service club. All girls. Meetings every week. I have to plan the services too. I'm not social at all still. But it's helped. I imagine I would feel completely lonely without the club.


It's really not that I want to be perfect. You know, skinny and smart and social. But I'm honestly interested in the classes I'm taking. Well, except maybe not history so much, but I think the class will be fun and I couldn't get it during the summer so I have to take it during the school year. And not the language one, that one really is just because I'm worried for college. But other than that, I really like my subjects. Skinny is just because I've always preferred that look. Not because of others. Because of me. Social is something I need to learn to be. Or be able to be. I'm anti social. I'm proud of it. But I can't feel uncomfortable and awkward and shit around others.

Anyways, I've been able to maintain a weight of around 93 lbs in the mornings. I've been eating like 1500-2000 ish calories though, so that's pretty good.

And oh god, I hate myself for this, but I've only started on the summer homework today. I've just been so fucking lazy and procrastinated and yeah. I'm always confident that I'll get through it though. I just hope I won't ruin my health by staying up late to do so.

Back to homework, back to homework now. Gotta write one more article. Plan tomorrow, because it's so fucking fun. And sleep before midnight. Or read, if I can't. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.