The Pigeon Detectives

Leaving for Canada in about 12 hours, just thought I'd leave with a post also.

Today, it may just be my period, but I've been so emotional and easily upset. I cried over stupid things, resurfaced realizations, a continuing cycle of revenge and hurt, being a part of that cycle, and for someone very dear to me.

I had actually started pouring out my feelings and everything in a post I was writing earlier, (I tend to do that a lot), but I just felt it was too personal to post.

Anyways, despite everything, today was not a bad day. I finished my essay, went out to eat for lunch and dinner, and I just didn't really stress. I did get really frustrated with some family members, by that's just something that's characteristic of family.

I didn't care so much about what I ate today, but I had one of those moments where I really felt fat today. I put on some old jeans I haven't worn for a while and just hated how fat I looked. I mean, I know that in reality and bmi-wise, I'm not anywhere near fat or overweight. But I feel like those things don't take height into consideration. Even at a size 1, I look chubby. I feel so discouraged when I think of how low my weight would have to be to actually look skinny.

But screw that shit for now. I'm going to pack, go to bed, and leave this country tomorrow. (literally, as it's 11:57 pm now) I'm going to enjoy myself.

I hope there'll be a cute boy my age on the tour also, haha. Though to be honest, I am pretty awkward around boys and well, just anyone my age, but mostly boys. That reminds me, today I saw not one, but two really hot/cute boyish girls. There's just something really attractive about them. I don't think I'm a lesbian, or at least I can't really imagine myself one, but I've always figured I'm too young to really know that about myself yet.